Tuesday, September 29, 2009

d30 Table of Taxes, Fines, Tariffs, and Fees

Ah yes, the fine art of separating a PC from his hard gotten treasures...Here's a d30 table that might provide some inspiration or aid in this endeavor:

1. Entering the City/Kingdom Fee. "We like people to prove they have some money and won’t be a drain on the economy should they need to be thrown in jail, executed, and disposed of."

2. Sales Tax. On Everything. Varies by locale. Fun to announce just after the party has carefully calculated exactly what items they need and can afford.

3. Firewood Tax. "Look around - Notice how we’re starting to run a little short on trees around here? We don’t appreciate outsiders warming their backsides with our wood." Yeah, those torches count.

4. Smoke Fine. "We got a bad pollution problem in this valley mister! You can only burn on the days specified on the public notice posted in the town square. You might want to check there frequently, as the days may change without much (any) notice."

5. Employer Tax. (per hireling)

6. Slave Tax. Fixed amount per slave, levied once per year. "Hey, we’re trying to outlaw it here! This is our way of progressively instituting a ban." Only an evil PC would keep a slave anyway, so you’ve probably nothing to worry about.

7. Hunting/Fishing Permit Fees. "That there’s our game!"

8. Tavern/Inn Taxes. Ostensibly to pay for periodic “health” inspections, state-run vermin exterminations... all part of the King’s Health Plan. Conveniently taxes travelers instead of townees.

9. Fines to Help the Poor. Or rather, to help us pay for their transport out of town, or for their imprisonment. This is usually levied by a tax collector posing as a beggar - if you don’t at least offer something, you’ll be fined. Yes, it’s hard to tell the difference between beggars and tax collectors, especially since some of those darn beggars are corrupt! At least the locals mostly know the real McCoy.

10. Army/Militia Tax. Barracks upkeep, pay, outfitting, and sometimes to keep from being conscripted.

11. Brothel Tax. Levied only on customers of course. Part of the King’s Health Plan.

12. Unbound Weapon Fine. Applies to spears, polearms, battleaxes, etc. whose blades aren’t bound with cloth and twine.

13. Unsheathed Weapon Fine. I mean, really. Put that away.

14. Corpse Disposal Fee. "These things don’t just magically disappear all on their own you know."

15. Horse Tax. Also known as the shit shoveling tax.

16. Inheritance Tax. "Your hireling told us that the magic user just inherited the dead fighter’s possessions...Um yeah, we’re gonna need a full accounting of those..."

17. Potions Tariff. "Well, really it’s a liquor tariff, but we’re gonna tax those potions too - unless you don’t mind us testing a few to make sure they’re not booze?"

18. Toll Bridge.

19. Toll Road.

20. Toll Dungeon. "You dungeoneers waltz in here with your whistle britches and fancy armor, throwing around yer money and thinking you can buy anything or anyone you want!"

21. Census Tax. You are taxed because you had to be counted, we had to pay the counters, and we had to count how many people there are to know how much to tax everyone.

22. Retirement Tax. "Not for you silly! For the guild masters."

23. Beard Tax. That’s right, if Henry VIII could tax beards, so can we. Dovetails nicely with the local prejudice against dwarves in these parts.

24. Paper Tax. There’s a paper shortage! Can’t pay the tax? Sacrifice your book for paper recycling. Why is there a paper shortage? "We need it to track tax collection and those who haven’t paid!" Yes, that scroll counts too.

25. Rations Tariff. Because “We support our local agriculture!”

26. Gambling Winnings Tax. Fun to announce just after the party decides to collect their winnings and leave.

27. Property Taxes. How nice that you could finally afford your own stronghold/tower/fortified building/etc. Pity you haven’t paid the king anything for it - annually, by the square foot.

28. The King’s Health Plan Tax. "Who do you think pays those clerics when the poor can’t afford it? What do you want, a plague?"

29. Thieve’s Guild “Insurance” Fee. Pay now or pay later, your choice. You don’t want to have to worry about pickpockets do you? Or about a group of well armed thugs jumping you at night, twisting a knife in your back, and taking all your possessions? Recurring fee on an irregular schedule.

30. Tobacco/Halfling Pipeweed Tax. Part of the King’s...oh you know the drill. Also, beware of number 4 above.


Rusty said...

Obviously you are from the government and you are here to help me. I used to work for state government and you have only hit the tip of the iceberg. I cannot complain too much, however, as the nonprofit agency I lead is 80% government funded (we work with children with disabilities).

I particularly like the potions tariff. This is good stuff, amusing and useful (always the best combination).

Post a Comment